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the three musketeers is an absolute disaster from start to finish. paul w.s. anderson is a director who has made a few good-to-watchable films, as well as some bad ones too. this is my least-favorite of his as he takes the alexandre dumas story and decides that swords, swashbuckling, muskets and intrigue aren't exciting enough for today's audience. so instead he adds airships with steampunk-like machine guns and flamethrowers (in the 1700s, no less), slow motion shots and a collection of the most obviously ripped-off sequences seen in a long time. some people questioned why i was downgrading a film just because it had scenes that were similar to other films. the problem isn't that the scenes were "throwbacks" to other films, they were almost shot-for-shot thefts. why would i want to watch anderson's take on the zipline scene from mission: impossible 2 when i can just watch mission: impossible 2? if i want to see two guys fighting to the death on a sloping rooftop with gargoyle water spouts, why would i watch the three musketeers when i could just watch the crow instead? there are homages and there are unoriginal rip-offs; this is the latter. the script is so dumbed down so as to make disney's 1993 brat pack version seem thoughtful and artistic by comparison. sucker punch, which made last week's part of the list, was an incoherent mess, but at least it was an original incoherent mess. this is poor on every level, including most of the acting, the execution of the fight scenes and every other aspect of this film is a failure. better luck next time, mr. anderson.
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