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/movies/65522/cocoon-the-return
Review of Cocoon: The Return
by Justin Purwitsky
Posted on June 21st, 2020
Negative 3
Overall Rating
 
+
i imagine the making of cocoon: the return went something like this... it's 1987 and the fox executives are sitting around a table. 'we need to make some money. we need a hit', one of them says. they think about it for a second and then 'how about this? a sequel to cocoon, people loved that movie. yeah... and we can get the whole gang back together. amache won the oscar, i'm sure he'll be back... we can call it...ummm.... cocoon: the return... yeah, that'll work.' another pipes in. 'yeah dennehy and tandy and brimley. everyone. and guttenberg... people love guttenberg.' every executive begins to smile; they are all into it as well. they rub there grubby little hands together, imagining the money rolling in. one month later they are all in the room together again. "well guys, we've handed thscript out and everyone's in but dennehy. try as we might he just wouldn't do it. said something like the script sucks or something. i said think about the money, he said no he has class damn it.' 'let's do it anyways', another pipes in 'fuck him. let's do it and show him what he missed. we'll release it during oscar season. i smell best picture on our hands.' the phone rings. 'what? howard's out? he's too busy? fuck him, we'll get another director, a better director, we're gonna clean up come awards season' he rubs his hands together in a manic fashion; they all do... that's how i imagine that went cause this film sucked. garbage. the only redeeming factor was the original cast (the older ones) as they were still fun (but no where near as good as they were in the original). otherwise it blew something serious. i don't know how anyone returned as this surely did sour the good nature of the first one. i mean it was so overdone, overblown, overschmaltzy. watch the old guys mingle with young girls, watch the old guys beat the young guys in sports, watch the old guys get old, watch the women miss there family and home, watch them say do things that are so bad and cheesy you can't help but groan. and one of the good things about the first film was that there was no government agency after them, no chase, no action. it was simple and sweet. this one of course involves all of that and it's so badly done. there is one scene where a very bad guttenberg (i can see why he disappeared) is asleep alone on his boat, wakes up just in time to see a cocoon being taken and then proceeds to speak the events aloud to know one. it has to be one of the worst edited, acted and written scenes i have seen in a hollywood movie. i can see why brian dennehy said no. i was watching this the whole time thinking 'where's dennehy?' and as it went on i realized he had the good sense not to show up for this garbage. and then i thought he might show up at the end but i knew he wouldn't. and then he did, arriving in a beam of light which negates the whole purpose of the cocoon's and the movies and the science behind them, and proceeds to speak drivel and then cry. i imagine dennehy did something like this... after reading the script he bailed. he called fox and said 'have you read this shit? it seems like it was written in a month by monkeys. i won't do it. no way. this is utter shit.' 'but think of the money?' 'no, i've got respect and dignity, i won't do it.' three months later the phone rings at fox. 'yeah, hi... it's dennehy. i was thinking... the money does sound good, i could use it. i just blew my last bit on hookers and the dice in vegas. i'm dead broke... but i have conditions. i'll only show up at the end, one day of shooting. and you pay me the same as everyone else. the same. i'll know. you do that and i'll be there and i will say whatever the hell you want me to. deal?' 'deal.' the executive hangs up the phone and begins to rub his hands together furiously. 'deal mr. dennehy but we will make you say the dumbest shot possible. the dumbest and you'll have to cry... yeah. that's what we'll do.' he begins to laugh manically.... production design: 5 out of 10 cinematography: 6 out of 10 re-playability: 1 out of 10 originality: 1 out of 10 costumes: 4 out of 10 directing: 2 out of 10 editing: 4 out of 10 acting: 6 out of 10 music: 5 out of 10 script: 1 out of 10 35/100


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